Category: stupid behavior

As I fed the cats yesterday morning, I very briefly considered pouring milk over a bowl of kitty kibble and eating it like cereal.

While a part of me is still perversely curious about trying this, the rest of me remembers that raisin bran crunch almost certainly tastes better.

I’m afraid I’m turning into a hobo.

Last week, Megan and I were walking back from the bars. (Needless to say, I was very drunk.) Despite my staggering and blurred vision, I noticed a cigarette lying on the sidewalk. It had obviously been stepped on because it was flat, but seemed fine other than that . I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Megan stared at me, disgusted.

“You’re not actually going to smoke that, are you?”

I grinned and nodded, then smoked the entire filthy thing down to the filter once we got back to the apartment.

This wouldn’t prove much of anything if not for what I did yesterday.

There’s a pizza place with outside seating on the corner of my block. I walked past it on my way to my car, and noticed a lone slice of pizza on top of a serving tray. The tables by the street were empty, and it looked like the pizza’s owner had paid and left. I stared down the slice, my brain churning furiously.

Do I steal the pizza? Am I really hungry enough to steal food from a restaurant table? Is this pathetic? How long have I been standing here thinking about this?

I snatched the slice and walked away briskly, hoping no one had seen me. And it was delicious.

It tasted like hobo victory.

Also, like pizza.