I made a few fairly important decisions on the drive back from Janesville tonight. I suppose I can thank Christine for this… although she didn’t actually say anything about it. Being around her makes me want to try to be a better person. I’m not sure why. You should try it.
1. Down with TV. I spend far too much time watching TV. It’s a complete waste of time, and it keeps me from doing other things that I enjoy a lot more. Which is not to say that TV holds me down and screams “WATCH ME OR DIE!” while waving a gun… I’m just lazy, and TV happens to be the easiest and most low energy way to spend time. I’ve lived without TV before, and I read, without exaggeration, ten times as much then as I do now.
I’ve been trying to convince Pedro to go without cable for a while now, and it’s not working. I think if I just tell him that I don’t want to pay for anything more than Internet access anymore, that will force the issue. Besides being a waste of life, it’s damn expensive. We owe Charter $314.19 because we haven’t paid them a cent since they got us set up. We can barely afford our bills as it is, and wasting money on a luxury item like digital cable is just plain stupid. I didn’t want it in the first place.
2. I’m going to get a better job. I decided a while ago that I’m exceedingly lacking in self motivation, and the web design company I wanted to start isn’t going to work. Since then, I’ve done nothing to get out of the wage slave job I’m in now. I’ve spent far too much time hating and bitching about my job, and far too little time actually doing something about it.
It’s not a bad job, actually. The people are great, the benefits are cheap and very good, and the work really isn’t that hard. If I had just dropped out of high school and was living with my parents, it would be perfect. But I have a bachelor’s degree, and working as a shoe department manager for just under twenty grand a year is humiliating, not to mention bankrupting. It’s time to find something better.
Right now I’m studying Java 2 Enterprise Edition (J2EE) so that I can get a job as a programmer. I don’t really want to be a programmer, but it will pay well until I can become a Red Hat Certified Engineer and work with something that I think I’ll really enjoy. I’ve decided to set aside the time from 7:00pm to 8:30pm every night after work to study. If I’m not watching TV, I have nothing else to do anyway. (See how this works?)
3. Figure out how I feel about Christine, once and for all. I can’t see her without being confused about how I feel. I’m very, very, tired of being confused. What’s worse, I jerk her around almost as much. Whether it takes a lot of introspection (which hasn’t worked so far), meditation (which I don’t seem to have the discipline for), or counseling (which I can afford once I get a better job), I’m going to finally be sure about her, one way or the other.
I think these are goals that I can accomplish. Hopefully soon, I’ll have moved on from the miserable place I’m in right now into something better. I feel a little better already.