Category: rants

Jobs

August 22, 2005 / / 1 Comment

I walked out of work today. I just can’t stand it anymore. Every day I spend there I get angrier, more depressed, and I feel like more of a failure. Every time I get out of my car to walk in to that hellhole, I can feel my mood dipping further and further with each step towards the door. By the time my hand reaches the door handle, all I want to do is turn around, go home, and never come back.

I have tomorrow off, and I don’t have to be in until 1:30 on Wednesday. I’m hoping that the next forty-eight hours will be enough time for me to get my head straight. As much as I’d like to, it’s not like I can quit without something else lined up.

On the plus side, though, I have a second interview lined up for next Tuesday. Wish me luck.

Getting Crazier by the Day

July 8, 2005 / / 0 Comments

Today at work, I punched the office door hard enough to put a hole in it. Had I hit it any harder, I suspect I’d have put my entire fist through it.

And I did it before nine in the morning.

Yes, I’m getting just that crazy. I’m beginning to wonder about my mental state. Alcohol, weed, meditation, exercise, sex–none of them calm me down any more. Alcohol and weed may make me numb, but my temper is still just as volatile. Meditation used to do wonders, but now it does nothing at all.

All this because of my job. That’s really the extent of it, I’ve realized. You have no idea how demoralizing it is to be a year–A FUCKING YEAR–out of college and still have no career. What little I did learn in college is now rotting in the back of my mind. I remember almost nothing from my software analysis and design courses now. Data structures? Gone. I barely knew them to begin with. Even Java, which I programmed in longer than anything else, is all but forgotten. I tried finishing up a program I started in PHP a while back, and I don’t even know how it works anymore. Even if I could find a job, I don’t even know what I’m qualified to do anymore. I’ve started applying to jobs that require an associates degree in the hopes that they might consider my resume before shredding it, burning the scraps, and then shitting on the ashes.

I don’t know if I’ve made this clear in my last few posts. I was going for subtext, but now I’m beyond that: I AM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND. Clear enough? You get it? I am going out of my fucking head, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Aspartame

March 14, 2005 / / 0 Comments

Aspartame, more commonly known as Nutrasweet, is poison.

Whenever I tell people this, they just sort of roll their eyes at me and quietly mutter to themselves that I’m off on another one of my wild tangents. Let me reiterate this for you: Aspartame, an artificial sweetener found in virtually all diet foods and drinks, is a poisonous substance known to cause cancer and any number of other health problems.

A Google Search for aspartame poisoning turns up almost 37,000 hits. Clearly, if this is some kind of crazy myth, I’m far from the only person who believes it. In fact, the European Union is currently in the process of reevaluating its safety. Even the FDA itself lists symptoms commonly associated with exposure to aspartame. A more complete list with a summary of the way aspartame breaks down in the body can be found here.

For those of you short on time or bandwidth, let me list some of the highlights for you:

  • Depression
  • Alzheimers
  • Parkinsons
  • Weight gain
  • Migraines and Severe Headaches
  • Blood Sugar Control Problems
  • Abdominal Pain

Need I go on?

For more information, DORway.com is an excellent resource for aspartame poisoning. It was founded by a man named David Rietz who was diagnosed with prostate cancer due to aspartame exposure. He died two years ago as a result. His site is still maintained, and it’s filled with useful information: chemical information on the drug, links to doctors’ opinions, more information on symptoms, and more.

I urge you to remove this dangerous chemical from your diet. For your own safety, I hope that you’ll heed my warning.