Well, today was a new personal low for me.
The day started as usual: lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, dreading the interminable day of work that awaited me. With a heavy sigh, I crawled out of bed and took my morning shower. As I started my car to go to work, things were actually looking up. My car, which had been lurching and jerking like a Parkinson’s victim, started and ran without a hitch.
Yeah, things weren’t so bad until I got to work. Unfortunately, around 10:30, I got a call from the asset protection woman. She had been sitting in the camera room, watching the solitary customer in the store when she noticed that he had an erection and was playing with himself through his shorts. Wait: it gets better. He was in the little girls clothing section.
Well, that’s just great. And you want me to what about this, exactly? Wander by so he knows there are employees around? Yeah, thanks for calling me. Great. No, I’ll do it. Yeah, I see him. Hang on. I’ll call you back.
By the time I got off the phone, he had wandered into shoes and his erection had subsided. I’m fairly sure he heard me say “I see him,†and was less than conversational. He left, and I went back to stocking shoes.
Later that day, as I was still stocking shoes, I heard a familiar voice. “Marc?†I turned to look, and there was Errin Schlapbach, a girl I’d known from the time I was five until I was eighteen. The first girl I ever kissed on the cheek, and “married†on the playground when we were in first grade. We went all the way through school together and had no desire to stay in contact with each other in the following years.
Fuck. I knew that eventually this would happen. Someone that I knew from high school would walk into Gordman’s, and I’d have to admit that I’m working a menial, stupid job after earning a bachelor’s degree. I was hoping that at least I’d be carrying a clipboard and looking important when it happened.
We had a brief, awkward conversation, and then she walked off. I’m pretty sure that she didn’t believe me when I said that I’m starting a web design business. I’m not sure that I would have believed me. Maybe I’ll see her in another five years. I hope not. This encounter was humiliating enough. I think I’d have been less humiliated if I somehow hadn’t been wearing pants.
Just before I left for the day, I heard another interesting tidbit from the asset protection woman… the sick fuck from earlier that day had actually picked up a job application.
On the short ride home, I took off from a stoplight and heard a BOOM! followed by the sound of something metal grinding against concrete. Realistically, I knew damn well that it was my car, yet I looked around for a likely scapegoat. With a shitty looking Mazda next to me, I assumed that it had backfired while accelerating, and didn’t give it another thought. When the Mazda turned off and a carload of people passing me appeared to be laughing and staring, I accepted that the noise was coming from my car. Fine. Screw it. I’m just going to finish the drive home and deal with it then.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get that far. Thanks to a sudden bump, my car was now one muffler lighter. I looked back in time to see cars swerving to avoid hitting it. I kept right on driving.
Once I got home, I called my dad. How much for a new muffler, Dad? Oh, I don’t know. Probably about fifty bucks for a crappy one. Why a crappy one? Because a quality one would outlast the rest of the car. Great. Thanks.
A few minutes later, Pedro asked me plaintively, “Do you have any food? I don’t have any, and I don’t have any money.†Yes, fine. We’ll figure something out. Dinner eventually consisted of Stovetop stuffing mixed with corn and hot dog chunks, all prepared in the microwave. The stove has been broken for a week, and the maintenance guy seems unconcerned about fixing it. I doused the hot dog chunks with habanero sauce in an attempt to make them more palatable. It worked, to an extent. The stuffing wasn’t bad.
As we “cooked,†Jason had turned to me and said, “No one must know of the hot dog/corn/stuffing experiment. I don’t want people to know that I’m this poor.â€
Yeah, well, we are that poor. And I have no problems with burdening others with that knowledge.
And now, as I sit here slowly drinking a beer because there’s nothing else to drink in the place, I heave another deep sigh. Because tomorrow I have to get up and do it all over again.