Category: i’m an idiot

It’s Late and I’m Rambling

Observation of the day: People look at you funny when you walk around barefoot for no discernible reason.

I like to meditate by lake Mendota after work once or twice a week. It’s incredibly relaxing, and I always feel much happier after doing it. Today, I stowed my zafu in my backpack (I thought I’d look strange carrying it around with me) and headed for the park.

Tenney park is almost always filled with people right around sunset. This time of year, there are people fishing, jogging, biking, swimming, and laying out on the grass. When I jog through it, I usually see a children’s soccer team or two practicing next to the basketball courts, as well as parents talking while watching their kids on the playground. It feels like a real communal area, and it’s one of the reasons why I really like Madison. Despite not knowing any of my neighbors, my neighborhood feels like a community.

Accordingly, I walk by a number of people on my walk to and from the tiny peninsula where I like to sit and meditate. When they notice that I’m not wearing shoes, they definitely give me a wider berth than they ordinarily would.

I really don’t see how this is a big deal. If I saw someone barefoot in the park, I’d probably smile to myself and feel a bit of a connection with a kindred spirit. I love being barefoot. If not for certain OSHA and health code laws, I’d probably be barefoot every day I wouldn’t lose my feet to frostbite.

:: thinks ::

Ok, I’ve run out of steam on that particular topic.

Something else I’ve been meaning to post about is an idea I heard about at Jeremy and Christy’s wedding: freecycling.

[Congratulations Jeremy and Christy! I’m very happy for you two. May the two of you have a long and happy life together. ]

Anyway, freecycling is advertising your old unwanted (but still useful) stuff on the Internet for others in your local area to pick up. You can find local groups at freecycle.org. Madison has a very active group. It seems like a great idea. Basically, it’s a great way to get rid of some of your excess clutter in a way that doesn’t add to the landfills and benefits someone else. I have boxes and boxes of old computer hardware sitting in my room that I need to get rid of before the next time I move. I think I may begin clearancing the stuff in the not too distant future.

And on a final note, I’d just like to say that one of my previous posts was complete and utter nonsense. My post about Beth was completely batshit insane. Beth will never, ever, want anything to do with me ever again; and for that matter, I wouldn’t want to deal with her either. On top of all this, I have it on fairly good authority that her ex literally wants me dead. So you can just scrap that whole post.

I really don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

My Past

My past has been bothering me lately.

I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of, but there’s one thing that I hope that I’ll never sink to again. (I made reference to it in my first ever blog post, but never really explained what happened.) A couple years ago, I cheated on Christine with my best friend’s girlfriend. I can say without exaggeration that it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. Steve, my former friend, and Beth, his former girlfriend, were unofficially engaged. They were planning on getting married, but Steve couldn’t afford a ring.

Christine was devastated, and it took her a long, long time before she could trust me again. I still don’t know how or why she forgave me. If the situations had been reversed, I don’t know if I could have done the same.

Before the secret came out, Steve and Beth moved to Pennsylvania so that they could be together while he went through graduate school.Guilt eventually forced me to tell Christine. When that happened, Beth told Steve, and everything went completely to hell. They went to counseling to try to save the relationship, but it didn’t work.

In the meantime in Wisconsin, Christine managed to console me as virtually all my college friends abandoned me. (Yeah. Not only did she forgive me, she actually helped me through it. Amazing.) Most of them heard Beth’s side of the story via Steve, and never bothered to hear my side. The friendships I was able to maintain have never been the same.

Eventually, Beth moved back to Wisconsin to live at home with her parents, then back to Pennsylvania, then back again to Wisconsin. I haven’t heard anything about her in a long time. As far as I know, she’s still here in Wisconsin.

I tried to blame her for what we did, and I hated her for a long time because of it. I knew that it was my fault as well, but shifting the blame made it easier to stand sometimes.