Category: gibberish

Did you know…

March 17, 2007 / / 0 Comments
  • Orel Hershiser was the only professional baseball player to win a grammy for best new artist.
  • It is legal to kill a hobo in Fayetteville, Kentucky, provided he has offended your horse.
  • The 68th United States Congress was composed entirely of laid off carnival workers, spawning the infamous Corn Dog Rebellion of 1925.
  • All modern computers are powered by tiny gremlins. Contrary to popular belief, computer processor speeds have not been getting faster. Intel has simply been breeding smaller gremlins in order to pack more of them onto a chip.
  • There has never been a country called France.
  • Dogs are born with an instinctual fear of Dan Rather.
  • Tiger Bop is the oldest continually published periodical in the world. Back issues dating back to July 227 A.D. are available for order on their website.
  • In a series of increasingly hilarious events, Scott Baio mistakenly invented time travel on the set of Charles in Charge.
  • Canadian and British pennies will instantly annihilate each other if they are permitted to come into contact.
  • 17% of new Catholics develop superpowers within a year of their conversion.
  • Prior to entering politics, Richard Nixon was a world-champion bodybuilder, winning Mr. Universe an unprecedented seven years in a row (1947-1954).
  • Alabama was originally called “New Sodom” by settlers. The name was changed in 1987 for tourism reasons.

Bonus! Get out your calculator for this one. Pick any seven digit number except 1573355. Add 17. Add the number of days until the end of the year, then divide by the year you were born. Look carefully at the result. If done correctly, you will see a representation of the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel on your calculator screen. Keep trying until you get it.

I Dream of Being an Underwear Model

August 4, 2006 / / 0 Comments

So, you know that dream where you’re somewhere important, but you’re in your underwear? I had that dream a few nights ago. Normally, this wouldn’t be such an odd thing, except for the following:

  • It was at my old job, a department store in the mall. I was hiding next to the shoe department and hoping no one would see me.
  • An stodgy, uptight, Jehovah’s-Witness-type-religious friend from high school was with me. I haven’t seen him in seven years.
  • He was also in his underwear.
  • This didn’t phase him one bit.
  • Once someone gave me my winter leather jacket, I no longer felt embarrassed about my junk being a sixteenth of an inch of fabric from public display.
  • I haven’t had one of these dreams since I was in fourth grade.

I’m going to chalk this one up to a sore back and a rude awakening by a gasoline-powered pressure washer sitting in front of my windows. Hopefully it won’t repeat itself.

Still moving.

November 24, 2005 / / 0 Comments

Still moving.

Still have nothing of any importance to say.

However, when you move out and have divots in your carpeting from having furniture sit on it, take an ice cube and place it in the depression. As the ice cube melts, the pile of the carpeting will rise. After it’s gone, fluff the area with your fingertips and it’s good as new.

The things you learn reading Chuck Palahniuk.