Category: failure

Wedding?

February 15, 2008 / / 5 Comments

I received a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday from a girl I used to fuck in college.

A little background is necessary here: she and I were never romantically involved. When I say we fucked in college, that’s exactly–and entirely–what it was. Outside of our periodic mediocre drunken sex, we barely even talked to each other. For that matter, we really didn’t even like each other. To this day, she’s the only person I’ve ever engaged in a public screaming match.

I haven’t seen her in at least three years, we don’t talk or IM, and we have no mutual friends.

So why did she invite me to her wedding? Better yet, why do I even care about how I respond? It’s not like she and I were ever close. Other than physically.

Mike’s suggestion was to send my RSVP with a Polaroid of my anus and never speak to her again. I like this idea, but I don’t have a Polaroid camera.

I called another invitee to find out if he’ll be there–it looks like there will be two or three other people I’ll know at the reception. At least one of them hates me for reasons we won’t get into here.

Yeah… I don’t think I’ll be attending.

Little Bitch

December 12, 2007 / / 4 Comments

I just got a really strange voicemail…

Hey yo, what up, Marc, my name is Steve and I took, uh, Tae Kwon Do back in Madison not too long ago. Uh, you gave me your number and everything so maybe some time we could hook up or whatever, uh, the new movie I am Legend is coming out and I wanted to see if you wanted to go see it. Gimme call a back, you should know the number, I gave it to you last time we met.

Normal to that point, right?

Anyways, looking forward to fucking you in your asshole again, you fucking faggot.
:: laughter in background ::

The fuck?

While I do know of a guy named Steve who has a legit reason to hospitalize me, this wasn’t him. I would have recognized his voice. This guy called and left a voicemail from a blocked telephone number, then insulted me with something I haven’t heard since high school. If he had any balls at all, he would have called from a traceable number, or at least identified himself.

As such, I’m mostly just amused by the call. Calling from a blocked number and leaving a prank message? Please. What a little bitch.

The strange thing is that Little Bitch knows the city I live in, my phone number, and that I practice martial arts–though I practice Tae Soo Do, not Tae Kwon Do. I’ve never taken Tae Kwon Do anywhere but Whitewater, and I rarely give out my phone number to anyone, and definitely haven’t done so recently… so I’m at a loss as to Little Bitch’s identity.

Update: Mystery solved. A friend of mine was apparently on a podcast radio show… thing… and they pranked me. More info in the comments.

The Awful Show

!FAIL!

March 25, 2007 / / 0 Comments

I failed miserably at Shutdown Day. I completely spaced on it and checked my email immediately after getting out of the shower this morning. After that, I figured that the whole thing was shot and completely gave up on it.