I drive a 1993 Ford Tempo, and it’s on its way out of this world. I maliciously beat the hell out of it, maintain it only as much as is necessary to continue to drive it around, and occasionally stub cigarettes out on it. If you hadn’t guessed, I really hate my car.
The link above isn’t of my car, but it is the same model and color. My car is in far, far worse shape. Due to a number of front-end collisions, I’m missing the fiberglass front grill and my radiator is clearly visible. (One of those accidents was on my first date with Christine. Moderately funny story. Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.) The most recent collision buckled my hood, and it had to be replaced… with a hood from a white car. I spray painted the hood black a couple weeks later. While I was at it, I painted over a couple of the rust spots on the body. They’ve since rusted through again. I did a really half-assed job of spray painting, so the repainted areas aren’t the same black as the rest of the car, and they’re matte. Since I never wash my car (there’s no point), you don’t really notice the difference most of time.
I haven’t changed the oil since October. When I finally checked it last month, I found to my surprise that I was around three quarts low in a four-quart engine. (I’d like to clarify that this was due to indifference, not incompetence. I’d check my oil regularly if I gave a flying fuck about my car.) When I opened the oil fill port to add a few quarts of 10W30, smoke actually came out.
Due to a late-night incident with a curb, the hubcap for my left front wheel is in my trunk. I’d put it back on, but the wheel is so bent that the guys at Sears Auto couldn’t do it, so there’s no way I’m going to try. Having a wheel that warped makes it constantly feel like I’m driving on a bumpy road. I think that happened in November or so.
My front bumper is falling off from the combination of front-end collisions and my habit of intentionally ramming snow banks. I think three or four more good hits would take it right off.
My left headlight housing is partially shattered and wobbles whenever I hit a bump. I think the strobe effect bothers other drivers.
My brakes squeal, my tires are bald, my roof is buckled, my panel vents don’t work, my engine chokes and hiccups, there are knife holes in the dash and cigarette burns in the upholstery, the floor of the backseat has been partially dissolved by battery acid, and my transmission is failing.
I’ve decided to kill my car in the vicious ways possible and blog it for your amusement. As soon as I get a job that will allow me to make payments on a new vehicle, I’m going to begin the process of annihilating my car and blogging the results. I intend to keep driving around the Tempo until there’s nothing left of it, and then buy a new car.
I haven’t decided on a name for the site yet. I’m considering ScreamingMetalDeathtrap.com. Let me know if you have any suggestions.
FYI: I didn’t get the Microsoft position. Mike told me that it went to an internal candidate, and that they’re hard to beat out. This actually makes me feel better: if the person who got it had just been some jerk from Ohio, I’d have known that I wasn’t good enough. As it was, they went with someone that they knew for certain could do the job.