Author: Marc Teale

Recommendation

We’ve had an intern working in our department for the summer, and he’s leaving on Wednesday.  He’s been connecting with everyone on LinkedIn, and asked me for a recommendation.

I gave him one.  I don’t understand why he wouldn’t use it.

Alex is literally the laziest, most incompetent jackass I’ve ever had the misfortune of working with. Every request was greeted with a grunt of annoyance or outright hostility.

Most days, a “work” day for him consisted of sitting outside the ladies room with his ear to the door until he was chased away by security. Then, five or six hours with a phone sex line on speaker phone, followed by draining a bottle of cheap vodka at his desk.

Multiple attempts were made to fire him. These were stymied by his insistence that he is a “proud black woman” and that racism and “the man” were keeping him down. Apparently these complaints have to be investigated, no matter how spurious.

And he is lousy in bed.

 

Hooker?

I was heading out the door for a pub quiz tonight, and slung my backpack over my shoulder.  I’m on call at the moment, so my work laptop is my constant companion.  If something breaks, the page goes out to me, and I get to fix it ASAP.

Iris (my roommate) saw me heading for the door.

“Where ya goin’?” She asked.

“Hooker.” I replied calmly.

There was a slight pause.

“Where?”

“Hooker.”  Again, completely nonchalant.  I realized as I said it that my backpack, possibly filled with clean clothes or sex toys, added some credence to the comment.

I opened the front door to go.

“I still didn’t hear you.”  She said, from her computer.

“Hooker!” I half-shouted as I stepped out, loud enough for the family next door to hear.

“Did you say ‘hooker?!'”

I closed the door without responding further, and laughed to myself the whole way to my car.