Things I Desperately Want To Say To Customers

Hi,
I’m [redacted] from [redacted], [redacted].com and I am having a problem with the website. When I try to open a pdf attachment file from mail it goes to a black screen then it asks me to log on again and then it crashes. I recently installed leopard 10.5. I need to open this pdf file. It is a [redacted] order. Do you know what is wrong?

Thanks,
Future Darwin Award Winner

FDAW,
I’ve seen this problem frequently before. It’s pretty common, but unfortunately, there’s no easy fix. The problem is that you are an idiot. Once the file is on your computer, it’s not our problem. I suggest you light your computer on fire or give it to your children–either would be a more worthwhile use. Please die. If this can’t be arranged, at least never contact us again.