I’m afraid I’m turning into a hobo.
Last week, Megan and I were walking back from the bars. (Needless to say, I was very drunk.) Despite my staggering and blurred vision, I noticed a cigarette lying on the sidewalk. It had obviously been stepped on because it was flat, but seemed fine other than that . I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Megan stared at me, disgusted.
“You’re not actually going to smoke that, are you?”
I grinned and nodded, then smoked the entire filthy thing down to the filter once we got back to the apartment.
This wouldn’t prove much of anything if not for what I did yesterday.
There’s a pizza place with outside seating on the corner of my block. I walked past it on my way to my car, and noticed a lone slice of pizza on top of a serving tray. The tables by the street were empty, and it looked like the pizza’s owner had paid and left. I stared down the slice, my brain churning furiously.
Do I steal the pizza? Am I really hungry enough to steal food from a restaurant table? Is this pathetic? How long have I been standing here thinking about this?
I snatched the slice and walked away briskly, hoping no one had seen me. And it was delicious.
It tasted like hobo victory.
Also, like pizza.
May 19, 2007 at 6:32 am
Holy shit, dude.
May 19, 2007 at 8:13 am
Considering that the pizza incident happened when you were sober (I’m assuming) – do you find you become more uninhibited when you’re drunk?
May 19, 2007 at 10:16 am
Who doesn’t?
May 21, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Dude, you need help. And standards. Not much higher, cause this is pretty low. I mean seriously dude. I’ve given handjobs for crack and yet your stories repulsed me.
May 24, 2007 at 6:14 pm
You people seem a lot more disgusted by this than it really merits.
Yes, the cigarette was on the ground, but it was whole, looked normal aside from being flat, and had never been lit.
As for the pizza–it was still on the tray it had been baked on, hadn’t been bitten from, and was still warm. It’s not like I pulled it from the dumpster behind the place.