Today has not been a good day, health-wise.

I was unloading the dishwasher this morning, and I suddenly had an intense burning pain directly over my heart. Unfortunately, this isn’t uncommon. I’ve been to doctors, and they’ve run all kinds of tests on me: EKG, Cholesterol levels, blood tests, etc. They have no idea what’s wrong with me. One doctor finally told me, “Well, we don’t know what it is or what’s causing it, but take some ibuprofen when it happens.”

Great. The miracles of modern medicine. You’ve been very helpful, Doctor. Why, yes, I’d love to pay you a hundred dollars for not helping me in any way. No, thank you.

Anyhow, while stabbing pains are not uncommon, it is uncommon for them to last more than a split second. Today, they lasted for about two minutes. It was intense enough that I considered calling an ambulance if they lasted another two.

But I popped 600mg of ibuprofen, and the pain went away. Better living through chemicals.

Later that afternoon, I was sitting in a chair watching TV and got up to get a drink of water. My vision started to go black, and I gulped air to try to stay conscious. No dice. I collapsed to the floor in a twitching heap. Undeterred, I got up and got my water.

Most people would consider consulting a doctor at this point. Not me. I’ve been to doctors to determine the causes of my blacking out and for my chest pain. None of them helped at all. The end result has been my near complete loss of faith in medical science.

On the bright side, though, if I pass out at work tomorrow, I can probably go home.