I wrote this more than a year ago and never got enough material to finish it.  Enjoy.

“I’m not much of a reader.”

This is like saying “I’m not much of a thinker. Move, you’re blocking the TV.”

“This is my kitty, Poopie.”

Poopie? Your cat’s name is “Poopie.” And you feel the need to put your cat on your dating profile… You dress him up in a Little Bo Peep outfit when you’re home alone on Friday nights, don’t you?

“Not a big fan of books. Does People Magazine count? haha”

HA HA HA! No! No, it fucking doesn’t!

“I have a boyfriend, maybe we could all hang out. Not really. But you should know that I’m not looking for a relationship.”

You seem to have completely misunderstood the purpose of this dating web site.