Babies From Dirt

January 2, 2008 - 9pm

The intarwebz are an amazing source of information. They’re also an amazing breeding ground for jabbering madmen. Mike sent me a link to this today. It’s a cached version of 2007rapture.com, which has been taken down for what should be obvious reasons.

It reminded me of the timecube.com guy, who has some truly excellent crazy going on. Here’s a sample:

BURN THE DAMN EVIL ONE BIBLE
BEFORE IT DESTROYS HUMANITY -
COMPOSED OF BINARY ANTIPODES.
GOD BELIEVERS MUST CEASE ALL
SEX WITH OPPOSITES AND CREATE
BABIES FROM DIRT – LIKE GOD DID.

The tone of the two are so similar (same caps lock, centered text, lack of paragraph breaks, and loud incoherence) that I wondered if they were in fact perpetrated by the same guy. I did a little looking, and they seem to be related only by their tenuous grip on reality.

Out of curiosity, I looked to see if 2008rapture.com existed–and it does. Here’s the kicker: it’s run by an entirely different set of crazy people and is even hocking a book.

Turns out these rapture jockey webmasters are all over the place, and none of them have bothered with a site redesign since 1997.

These almost makes me wish I was a Christian. When Jesus returned, I’d be able to fucking fly.

Another good one: FixedEarth.com. Did you know that the Earth is stationary? I didn’t. Thank god this man and his Bible were able to set me straight.

(I’m really not trying to pick on Christians here. It just so happens there are a lot of complete whack jobs out there that have a Christian bent to their delusions.)

And finally, a combination governmental conspiracy site and tree stump grinding guide, ScrewedKenoshaStyle.com. This guy gets bonus points for actually being in jail right now.

If anyone knows of any equally insane sites, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

My Hometown

November 4, 2007 - 9pm

Since blogging conversations with Mike seems to be in vogue lately…

A bit of a preface here: there was a guy in the class ahead of me that had sex with a cat. When Mike makes reference to “cat fucker,” he’s talking about that particular deviant.

I don’t think I really need to say it, but I don’t condone catfucking, cat-throwing, catshooting, or any of the disturbing things mentioned in this post.

Baron von Chickenpants: On a completely different note, I decided to kill myself.
Baron von Chickenpants: eventually, anyway.
Baron von Chickenpants: In 50-60 years, I’m going to off myself rather than rot in a nursing home.
Happy Pineapple: sort of like a cat?
Baron von Chickenpants: No, not like a cat.
Baron von Chickenpants: I can’t be swung into the air by my tail, then shot before I hit the ground.
Happy Pineapple: we have 50 to 60 years… I’m sure we’ll have the technology to simulate that by then.
Baron von Chickenpants: Let’s hope so.
Baron von Chickenpants: I actually knew a guy who did that.
Happy Pineapple: got a tail implanted?
Continue reading My Hometown…

Brain Damage

June 18, 2007 - 7pm

I think something in my brain has short-circuited.

Over the last few days, I’ve been feeling lightheaded, dizzy, and sort of disconnected from reality. It comes and goes. I’ve also been having strange anomalies in my vision… colors appear brighter than normal.

Easily the strangest thing was around 11:00pm on Thursday night. I was at a client’s office attempting to force a server to reboot. After failing (again) I noticed that one of the other tenants on the floor was moving out, and that the landlord was renovating the office. The office has a magnificent eighth-story view of Madison, so I tried to sneak in to admire it.

I didn’t have a flashlight with me, so I waited until my vision adjusted to the dark, then flipped open my phone. It gave me a dim, but acceptable, view of where I was going. The large main screen was facing away from me, but the smaller outside screen looked directly at me. As I moved the phone around to get my bearings, I was more than a little surprised to see that the small screen was leaving trailers in my vision. These weren’t the usual afterimages we all see when an oncoming car doesn’t dim its headlights–I could swing the phone around, then watch the screen’s streak of light catch up to where I stopped moving it.

I’m sort of confused right now, so I’m not really even sure if this post makes sense.

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