Pets

December 11, 2003 - 12am

I got to thinking last night.

I’ve been wanting a pet penguin for quite some time now. A couple years, probably. The thing is, no one sells them. I’ve searched online quite a bit, and you can’t get a pet penguin anywhere.

Before that, I wanted a pet monkey. Then I found out how hard they are to take care of, and how they can turn mean once they get old. That pretty much killed that dream.

But it occurred to me: if I had a pet monkey and a pet penguin, I’d dress them up in little costumes and make them fight. The penguin would get a really suave looking Bond-esque tuxedo (obviously), and the monkey would get a martial arts uniform with a monkey-sized black belt.

Then I’d pit them against each other in a cage match, sell tickets, and bet heavily on the monkey.

Commenting validates my miserable existence.

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